Kerrang Confidential: Chris Robinson. thanks to Jane for sending this! What is your nickname and why? "I sometimes get called 'CR', but the rest of the band aren't too keen because it sounds a bit too Elvis. I've been called 'Weirdo' a few times as well." At school were you a dunce or a teacher's pet? "My first year Latin teacher was great. I went to a really strict private school, and I was giving her my spiel one day about how I hadn't done my work. She just stopped me and said, 'Chris, you're a charming young man, but I don't care. Do it, or I'll fail you now!' She appreciated my effort in worming my way out of it and we had a great relationship, so in a twisted way I was a teacher's pet." What was your first shag like? "Horrifying. I couldn't believe I'd finally gotten in there. Plus, I was worried that if I messed up I wouldn't get any more. Since then I've had a very strong work ethic as far as sex goes. Having said that, I'm always very faithful to the women in my life." Who's your best friend? "My girlfriend, Alisa. The band too, but being on the road takes a lot of energy, so when I go home she sees me at my worst. I can emotionally collapse around her and that's a task for her." What's the best pet you've ever had? "My bulldog Skunk. He drowned in my swimming pool and it was devastating at the time. I want to get another one but, I dunno, I just loved that dog so much. I know he was just a dog, but he was my bud. He was a farting, drooling, wonderfully hideous creature." Have you ever been arrested? "I got arrested for spitting on this chick in Denver in 1991. I respect the law, actually. If there's a nude man with a hatchet on your porch who are you gonna call? Exactly!" What would you be if you weren't a rock star? "I had interests in writing, art and painting. I still do, but I can't just paint on the side- I'd have to stop doing this and go at it 100 per cent. You've got to make a commitment to whatever you're doing." How would you describe yourself on a blind date form? "I'd ask for someone with patience and understanding. Anyone who's in Alcoholics Anonymous or dislikes Italian football need not apply!" What's the most extravagant thing you've ever bought? "I don't drive but I've got a range rover. If I want to buy someone a present, I'll send them a nice case of champagne. My most extravagant expenditure is books and records. The one thing my girlfriend won't do is go into a record store with me, cos I'll be in there for hours." Who's gagging for a shagging? "Right now I could do with a good shag, so I've got to say my girlfriend." Who's gagging for a smacking? "Monica Lewinsky needs a good smack. She went to the Oscars, who cares! I understand why mass murderers or gangsters are famous, but some fat girl who blew the president? Who gives a rat ass in hell?!" Who would you least like to see naked? "Phil Alexander." What's the best rumour you've ever heard about yourself? "I heard that in Atlanta on July 4 two years ago I was on the street with an American flag draped around me, no shirt on and smoking crack. Not Only do I not have a flag, I've also never smoked crack. I know I'm a dumb shit, but Jesus." What's in your wallet? "Right now, absolutely nothing at all." What's your favourite joke? "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em! I'm sorry, it cracks me up every time." If you were marooned on a desert island without food, which member of The Black Crowes would you choose to eat first? "Each member has his own properties and we each have our own menus prepared. If it was a special occasion, though, it would be my brother Rich because he's nice. He's like a nice veal chop. Apparently, I'm like a burrito at the 7-11: bad Shit that you only eat when you're drunk." Which Black Crowes song would you choose to donate to an album entitled 'Crap Songs Of Our Time'? "None really. We've got a good self-editing mechanism. Okay, 'Struttin' Blues' off our first record." What's your drug of choice? "Alcohol. Sean Penn once said, 'I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a heavy drinker!' That's how I feel. Wine's my thing." What does God look like? "Probably a fat man running around the mall in cheap tennis shoes who thinks smoking cigars is cool." When you die how would you like to go? "Like my grandfather did in his sleep at home - peacefully." Words: Ben Myers From Kerrag! magazine June 5 1999.